Purpose. What a strange word. In a literal sense, it’s a term that’s relatively easy to define. For example, you could say that a television’s purpose is to entertain and provide distraction while a car’s purpose is to provide convenient transportation from point A to point B. Simple and easy definitions that are succinct and to the point. Ask anyone to define the role of a television or a car and their response should relatively be the same – provided that they’re ‘normal’ and ‘functioning’ human beings – as in, cars can’t take the role of a sex toy and blah blah blah (and please, don’t send me examples that prove otherwise. What you do with your car in your own garage is your business and your business alone, you perverts – and for the love of God, if you do send examples, please don’t send pictures. I get shivers just imagining Rosie O’Donnell doing something to a 1993 green Ford Taurus, but that’s for another post).
But once we delve further, things begin to become a bit more complicated. Let’s take the role of computers, for example. A friend replied that computers are used to create and consume content, but in the end, I believe that’s the same public relations bullshit spewed by technology corporations around the world – but his point remains clear. I guess if you were to sum it up, computers are tools that are created to make our lives, as humans, easier. Cop out, I know, but just stay with me.
So here’s the inevitable. What are the roles of humans? If computers are so difficult to define, how could we possibly define a human being? Knowing a few friends, their solution would be simple. Humans can’t be defined. Easy. Move on. But to someone like myself who thrives on structure, that so called ‘solution’ just don’t make sense – but at the same time, it’s the only definition that works for the time being. I guess the definition of a human being is the fact that a human can’t be defined.
Then comes the whole “what’s my role in society?” and “what am I going to do in the future?” and “why, what, how?” shit that becomes an age-old cliche when describing any young person’s life. It’s almost like a formula for a summer flick. Introduce an unsure child, sprinkle in some hardships, add a bit of uncertainty and boom – you have a character that eventually finds their true purpose in life. To be honest with my readers, I hate formulas and I hate fitting in ‘the mold’, but I think it’s fair to say I’m that period of uncertainty. I really do mean that. I have absolutely no idea what or where my future lies. For a person who loves structure, that’s a frightening proposition, and to be frank, I just hate thinking about it.
But there really is no other way. The issue won’t simply solve itself – and that’s a fact. So I think. For me, that meant long walks to where ever my feet would take me. For the past three weeks, that has meant Little Tokyo, Downtown Los Angeles, Hollywood, Chinatown Olvera Street and Camarillo – where I’m stationed now. These walks usually span around two to three hours, and they – if we’re being honest – usually involve thoughts on my future career, family, friends and relationships.
Another friend told me that if I spent all my time thinking, there wouldn’t be enough time for actual living, that is – too much thinking can create more harm than good.
When I hear that, all I can do is shrug. At this very time, I just feel worn out. I mentioned friends entering my train of thoughts above, so I’ll elaborate here. It’s hard for me to describe in a way that I feel is competent to my reader, but in the end, it’s a feeling of wanting to be with friends – but at the same time, wanting to be alone. I’ve been fortunate to have very good friends, and I’ve hung out with most of them these past few weeks (can’t count the number of times I’ve been to The Grove), but in the end, my feelings just end up becoming reversed. When I’m alone, I want friends. When I’m with friends, I want to be alone. It’s just a never ending cycle that doesn’t seem to end.
When I told a friend about this, he just simply suggested that I get laid. Or at least masturbate more often. So according to him, my purpose is to find a way to hook up with someone before the new year – which is in less than two days. Right.
I just replied that I’m a church goer and I believe in Jesus and God and Moses and all that fluff.